I woke up on a sofa I didn’t recognize, my head pounding and my mouth tasting like the bottom of a bottle. “Where is he? Where am I? ”
“You’re on my sofa,” said Bernie, setting a coffee down in front of me.
“I found you slumped in the cab office with a bottle of whiskey. ”
I sighed and rubbed my temples. “You need to go home. ”
“I haven’t got a home.
”
“What are you talking about? ”
I didn’t want to get into it. I just asked for another black coffee. “Bernie, you hung over?
”
“Yeah, fragile, shall we say? I’m not drinking again. Yesterday really shook me up. ”
But I wasn’t the only one with problems.
When I walked into the cafe, I saw Chuck sitting there, looking lost. “You all right, Chuck? ”
“I’m looking for my daughter. ”
“What does she look like?
”
“She’s got brown hair. ”
“That’s not narrowing it down. ”
He snapped at me. “What’s it to you anyway?
”
“Charming. So now you know. ”
“Steve’s stumped me and Tyrone’s chucked me out. ”
I couldn’t help it.
“Well, it was a pretty stupid thing to do. ”
“Don’t you think I know that? I was desperate. Since the moment Ross arrived here, he’s completely undermined me.
Just I wanted him gone. ”
“Instead, you shot yourself in the foot. ”
“Thanks, Tim. Made me feel loads better.
”
“Well, maybe they’ll forgive you if you grovel enough. ”
“I have groveled. It was useless. ”
“Well, the Cassie that I know won’t give up without a fight.
What’s it to lose? ”
He shrugged. “Do you want one of my famous smoothies? ”
“Not famous.
”
“Um, they are to my friends actually. ”
“Oh, you have friends. ”
“Aha. No, that’s fair.
”
He started pulling stuff out—spinach, spirulina, banana, blueberries. “Do you want any turmeric? ”
I should have said no. I should have walked away.
But I was thirsty and I trusted him. I drank it. The next thing I knew, I was lying in a hospital bed with Tracy standing over me, furious. I could have died.
He’d spiked my drink with sleeping tablets—and chucked in a few extra pills for good measure. He wanted me out of the way. He wanted Ross gone, and he thought if he got rid of me, he’d get rid of the problem. Except it didn’t work that way.
It just made everything worse. While I was recovering, Sienna came to see me. She looked wrecked. “Ty, I’ve got nothing to say to you.
”
“I’d enjoy your freedom whilst you can, Cassie, cuz as soon as I go inside, I’m calling the police. ”
I tried to explain. “Tracy, look, I’m sorry you drank the smoothie, but it was only a couple of tablets I put int. ”
She wasn’t having it.
“I think you’ve lied enough. ”
“Too right. ”
Ty kept trying. “Please just hear me out.
And if you still want me to go after that, I will. ”
But I was done. “Sienna, I’m not in the mood for this. ”
“Look, Nina found the money.
”
“Oh, did she? There’s a surprise. ”
“Well, I’m sorry. Okay, look, I never should have accused you.
”
“But you did. ”
“But I made a mistake. ”
“Yeah, so did I. So, I thought you were someone that cared about me.
”
“I do. Look, please. Please just let me make it up to you. ”
I shook my head.
“I’ve got enough on my plate without this. I think it’s actually better if we just call it quits. ”
Even Debbie tried to step in. “Oh, girls, can you sort your differences out, please?
Life’s too short. Believe me, take it from someone who knows. ”
But I couldn’t. Not after what he did.
Not after he tried to poison me just to get rid of Ross. I walked away, leaving him standing there with his apologies and his excuses. I was done. Truly done.
But the worst was yet to come. I was walking down the street when I spotted my mum. She looked confused, wandering around like she didn’t know where she was. “Mom, how did you get here?
I left you at home. ”
“Followed my daughter on the bus, but she’s gone. I hate her. ”
My heart sank.
“Who are you? ”
“Mom, it’s me. ”
But she wasn’t having it. She shoved me off.
“Get off me, cow. MOM, LOOK. GET OFF. NO.
I hate you. GET OFF ME. I HATE YOU. LEAVE ME ALONE.
LEAVE ME ALONE. ”
She started screaming, thrashing, hitting me. I had to wrestle her to the ground just to stop her from hurting herself—or someone else. People were staring.
Someone asked if everything was all right. I yelled at them to stay out of it. I was embarrassed, terrified, heartbroken. My own mother didn’t know me anymore.
She kept saying she wanted to go home. “Mom, take me home. Listen. I’m here.
I’m not going to hurt you. I’M GOING TO STAY. ”
Eventually, I got her calmed down enough to take her home. But I was shaking.
I kept thinking: what if that’s me one day? What if I end up like that—a danger to myself and everyone else? Later, Ty came around again, trying to apologize, trying to explain. “You’ve got to believe me.
I only put two tablets. ”
I snapped. “YOU CAN’T STOP LYING, CAN YOU? BUT THERE WAS MORE.
EVEN WHEN YOUR BACK’S UP AGAINST THE WALL. THERE WAS MORE IN THE PACKET. ”
“WHATEVER. IT’S A LOAD OF RUBBISH.
Two tablets, six tablets. It doesn’t matter. YOU TRIED TO POISON MY DAD. ”
“THAT’S CUZ HE WAS TRYING TO POISON YOU AGAINST ME.
”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “I SHOULD NEVER HAVE let you into my life. I should have listened to Nan. ”
He looked desperate.
“But I was desperate, would I? Hey, desperate to get to know my mom. So I look past all the drugs, all the crime, all the chaos. I gave you a home and let you into the kids’ lives.
”
“That was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love those kids. I love you more than anything. ”
“Yeah, maybe you do.
But it’s not enough because you’re twisted. You messed up. Every time something happens, you say, ‘I’m going to change. ’ BUT YOU NEVER DO.
”
“WHAT IF I HAND myself in case me punish you? ”
“You know what? Then do it. Do it.
It’s not going to change anything. ”
He begged. “Please. Please.
Just just let me stay. Please. I’ll make it up to you. ”
But I was done.
“I’m done. Right. Hand yourself in. Go on the run.
Do whatever you want. I don’t care. You can say bye to the kids and then you’re gone. ”
I walked out.
I couldn’t be around him anymore. He’d crossed a line I couldn’t forgive. He’d put Tracy in hospital. It could have been Amy that drank that smoothie.
My little girl. He could have killed my child. I couldn’t forgive that. I wouldn’t.
Debbie came by later, checking on me after the whole mess with my mum. She was sweet about it, but I could see her mind was somewhere else. I asked her what was wrong, and she told me Paul had wanted to end his life too when the M andD took everything. He’d stashed pills away.
She’d been devastated when she found out. But in the end, he decided he didn’t want to—he wanted to rinse every last drop out of life’s dishcloth. So, he hung on until his body finally let go. I told her I was thinking about assisted dying.
She stared at me. “Bernie, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. But I think it’s different for me, though. I mean, even when your Paul was struggling to move or or or communicate, it was still your Paul inside.
”
“Yeah. I won’t be me anymore. I won’t be Debbie. She’ll already be dead.
I would rather go while I can still do me makeup, stick a false eyelash on, earrings in, you know, while I’m still. While I’m still me. ”
She made me promise not to tell Ronnie. She said she’d speak to him when the time’s right.
I agreed, though it sat heavy on me. I couldn’t keep that secret from Ronnie forever. But I promised. What else could I do?
There was one more confrontation I hadn’t expected. Ross came to see me at the cafe. He looked pale, still recovering fromCassie’s little stunt. “Tracy was just telling us uh you didn’t want her to call the police.
”
“Yeah. I felt Cassie had been punished enough. ”
“Where is she by the way? ”
“She’s gone.
She’s gone. Left Weatherfield. ”
Ross nodded, then smiled a little. “Glad I’m sticking around and eh I know how much she helped out with the kids and stuff.
So, well, I’m more than happy to step in. ”
I looked at him. He was trying. He was kind.
Maybe that was enough. “Might take you up on that. ”
“Cheers. ”
And then he walked me home, tucked me in, sat with me until I fell asleep.
And I thought: maybe this is what moving on looks like. Maybe it hurts, but maybe it’s okay. Maybe I can learn to trust again, one day at a time. Maybe.
But I kept thinking about Cassie—where she was, what she was doing. I kept thinking about my mum, wandering the streets with dementia, not knowing who I was. I kept thinking about Ty, and his apologies, and his excuses, and the fact that he’d spiked my drink and nearly killed me. I kept thinking about Debbie, planning her own death in secret, and me carrying that weight.
I kept thinking about all of it, all of it, and I didn’t know what came next. But I was still here. And for now, that was enough.
