I was walking the dog, trying to enjoy the morning, when he stopped to sniff at yet another lamppost. I sighed and tugged at the lead. “Come on, it’s just another dog’s mark. What’s the big deal?
”
A woman passing by gave me a pointed look. “Hope you’re going to clean up after him today if he does anything again. ”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got it covered,” I said, trying to sound cheerful. “Just make sure you do.
Dog muck everywhere is not nice. ”
“I get it. I’ll clean up after him. Of course I will.
”
“Glad to hear it. Have a nice day. ”
I nodded and watched her walk off, feeling a bit deflated. The dog tugged at the lead, and I followed.
Later, I was in the café, feeling rough. My stomach was churning, and I couldn’t shake the nausea. I mentioned it to a friend, who told me not to worry, that I’d sort myself out. But I wasn’t so sure.
Then it was my birthday. I walked into the house to find Todd and Lisa there, a cake on the table, and they were singing. It was a bit off-key, but I appreciated it. “Sorry, Adele was busy,” Todd joked.
“I’m only joking. I’m really grateful to both of you. You didn’t need to go to all this trouble. ”
“Yes, we did.
It’s nice to have something to celebrate for once,” Lisa said. They handed me presents. Todd gave me a shirt that was too small, but I pretended to love it. “It’ll show off my muscles, won’t it?
” I said, flexing. Lisa gave me a food blender. “I thought it’d come in handy, especially if you’re doing the whole fitness thing. ”
“Of course I like it, because it’s from you,” I said, and I meant it.
But the day didn’t stay warm. I mentioned that I hadn’t heard from Miles and Milly, my kids. “I didn’t get anything at Christmas either, so I can’t say I’m surprised. A card would have been nice, but anyway.
”
I tried to brush it off, but it stung. I went to fix a cupboard door, and later, I headed to the bistro for my birthday meal. Todd was supposed to meet me, but he was late. I sat alone, waiting.
A man I didn’t know well came over. “Happy birthday. You kept that quiet. ”
“When you get to my age, you don’t want to shout it from the rooftops.
”
He offered to join me while I waited, and I agreed. We chatted, and he mentioned his own birthday troubles. “This one got me an iron for Christmas,” he said, nodding toward his partner. “Yeah, but I got you other stuff as well,” she said.
“But still an iron. ”
I laughed, but the laughter didn’t last. Todd finally showed up, full of excuses. “George popped out for 5 minutes and ended up being half an hour.
”
“I don’t want your excuses, Todd. It’s my birthday. ”
He apologized, but the damage was done. I felt humiliated, sitting there while he made me wait.
Then, to make things worse, Todd announced he’d pay for the whole table, including Gary and Maria. I was grateful, but when he went to settle the bill, he came back looking sheepish. “I haven’t got enough to pay the bill. ”
“What about your card?
”
“I’ve got a problem with that too. ”
I stared at him. “Where would you be without me? ” I muttered, and I paid the rest.
Later, at home, the anger boiled over. “Some birthday this is, to tell you the truth. ”
“I said I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“To what?
Turn up late? Leave me to sort out the bill? Sort out your mess because you couldn’t even manage to take me for a birthday meal without screwing it up. You pathetic, useless waste of space.
”
“That’s not fair. I didn’t know he was going to have to pay for Gary and Maria as well. ”
“So that’s my fault now, is it? ”
“No, I didn’t mean it.
”
“Then how did you mean it? ”
“I don’t want to fight. I’m tired. ”
“You’re tired.
Well, so am I. I’m tired of this. I’m tired of you. ”
The words hung in the air.
I saw the hurt in his eyes, but I couldn’t take it back. I turned away, feeling empty. The next day, I was still in a foul mood. Todd tried to make coffee, but I snapped at him.
“You make coffee? Probably screw it up as well. ”
“Why are you being like this? ”
“Sorry to hurt your feelings.
”
He tried to calm me down, but I was beyond reason. I told him to stop, that I didn’t want to drink anymore. He suggested coffee, and I agreed, but then I started picking at everything. “You need some sugar, don’t you?
” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. He handed me a mug, and I threw it. It shattered on the floor. He looked at me, shocked.
“What are you going to do with that? ” I said, picking up a piece of broken ceramic. “Go on, push me. What?
Are you going to stop me? ”
“Are you? ” he asked, his voice low. “Go on then.
Do it. Do you think I care anymore? Do you think I want to carry on like this? Go on.
Do it. Just put me out of my misery. ”
I stood there, holding the shard, my hand shaking. Todd didn’t move.
The silence was deafening.
