I was trembling as we walked toward the courthouse. Todd noticed, of course. He always noticed. He pulled a mint imperial from his pocket, like he used to when we were kids, and tried to make me smile.
I couldn’t. Last night he’d been cruel, and I’d told him he went too far. He apologized, but I was still scared. Not of the court.
Of him. Of what he might do next. “You really want to go to Belfast? ” he asked.
“Things are too difficult for us here,” I said. “It might be good for us. ”
He said he still cared about me, always would. I told him not to worry.
But he did. He always did. At the courthouse, I saw Debbie Webster. She was there for the hearing about her mother’s will.
I asked how she was coping. She said she was more concerned about Daniel. “Daniel had no idea what was going on,” she said. “He’s more vulnerable than people think.
Please, could you talk to him? ”
I promised I would. I’d spoken to him yesterday, and he was cut up about the whole situation. I said I’d talk to him again after court.
Before I went in, I thought about how I could have been a granddad. That child might have been my grandchild, even if it was born out of abuse or greed. I told Todd we would have been brilliant grandparents. He said my mum was lucky that Megan dropped the complaint against her.
But he didn’t think it was kindness. He reckoned she had something up her sleeve. “This whole situation’s one unholy mess,” he said. I was gasping for a brew.
He offered to get it. I told him I loved him. He said he loved me too. The hearing was tough.
The judge said the two parties hadn’t been able to come to a compromise. But after hearing all the evidence, she decided to allow the family’s claim in challenging the will. She believed that when my mother changed her will, she was subjected to undue influence from Mr. Shuttleworth.
So the new will was laid aside, and the previous one was valid. Mr. Shuttleworth had to pay the costs of both sides. I felt a weight lift.
But I knew the fallout wasn’t over. Later, I found Will in the bistro, drinking alone. His grandma had sent me to find him, to talk about Megan. He said he was fine.
I told him he didn’t seem fine, getting bevied on his own. He asked if I was worried about him drinking alone. I said yes. He told me to take a seat and get a drink, problem solved.
I sat down. I told him about my visit to see Kevin and Jack. Neither of them had come to see me. I said I shouldn’t even be in here, that I should be at home getting proper support.
I gave him a four-leaf clover I’d made in woodwork class. It had five leaves, extra luck. He said he’d learned from the best. I said I thought I’d need all the help I could get.
He said he had a good feeling about me going home. Then I saw George. He was with a woman. I went over.
He said, “How’s your son? ” I said, “How’s yours? ” He said his was avoiding him. I said mine was too.
I told him I was sure Daniel had no idea what was happening. He said he didn’t blame Daniel. He blamed himself. George was devastated.
He said his dad would be turning in his grave. He’d brought the Shuttleworth name into disrepute, and he had no idea where he’d find the money. I said I was sorry. He asked how I’d heard.
I said I’d messaged him. He said it was a miscarriage of justice, that he should fight it. But he said he had no fight left in him. He just wanted it all to be over.
I invited him to sit with us. He hesitated, said he hadn’t been home yet. I said maybe not. But he decided to have a quick one.
I got him a drink. Later, I went to see my mother. She was in the kitchen. I said, “Have you come to have another go at me?
” She said yes, she had. I asked where Will was. She said he was in his room. I told her his son was groomed by a woman we welcomed into our own home, and she was here to have a go at me.
How did that make sense? She said she was trying to get him to admit the truth. We both knew he was lying to protect that woman. I said she couldn’t bully the truth out of him.
She said she was this close until I came in and spoiled it. I told her I found it frustrating too, and so did Eva. But attacking Megan and Will had only made things worse. She said after everything she’d done to protect this family, everything she’d done for me, I should talk to her first.
I said if I did that, I wouldn’t do anything. She said we’d all be better off if I stopped doing stupid things. I snapped. “Everything I do is for you, for Will!
”
“Will is my son, not yours! ” she shouted. “I raised you by myself because I had to. It is my job to protect this family, especially seeing as you couldn’t be bothered to lift a finger.
”
I said, “Sometimes, when you’re like this, I think the wrong parent died. If my dad was here, I would be so much better off. ”
She went quiet. Then she said, “You’ve no idea, do you?
You never knew Alan. You were a child. You have no idea what kind of man he was, and yet here you are taking his side over mine, your own flesh and blood. ”
I asked what she meant.
“My dad was me own flesh and blood, wasn’t he? Unless you’ve got something you want to tell me. ”
She said, “No, of course he was. But he’s dead and I’m alive.
And I’m sorry if you don’t like that, but that’s just the way it is. ”
I asked why she said that. She said because I was being horrible to her and got her all confused. I said, “Now look what you’ve done.
You say I make things worse. Well, would wishing me dead make anything better? ”
She said, “You keeping your nose out would make things better. ”
I said, “All right.
That’s what you want then, is it? Well, see how you like it. You’re on your own, and don’t come running to me when you make an almighty mess of it. ”
I left.
I went to the pub. I saw Bethany. She said, “Have you not heard? I’m the idiot who got involved with a woman that grooms school boys.
” I said that must be tough. He said it was, but that was his life. Ever since Sinead, every woman he’d got close to had turned into some sort of crazy nut job. I said, “Thanks for the compliment, but I don’t really see myself as a crazy nut job.
” He said, “Going halfway around the world to get cosmetic surgery. And what do you call that? ”
A woman at the bar, Jodie, told him to back off. She said if his idea of fun was being rude and cruel to her mate, he could do one.
I apologized to her, said my uncle had had one too many. He admitted he was an idiot. Jodie said, “You went out with that guy? ” I said, “Yeah, more than once.
” She said it wasn’t that bad, we’ve all got baggage. I thanked her for sticking up for me. She said girls got to stick together. I told her I was sorry.
She asked what for. I said I thought I’d got her a bit wrong. She said I was a good mate. I said I was such an idiot.
She said, “It’s Bethany. She knows what you’re like. ” I said, “Yeah, but Jodie doesn’t, does she? See, this is my problem, right?
I always pick women with issues. ” She said, “You dropped it. Where can I find someone like her? Honestly, it was my mother.
Someone who’s just normal. ” She said, “Kind of you. ” I said, “All I mean is that I might not have known my dad that long, but he was a good man. If he was here, he’d be helping.
He wouldn’t be getting on like some selfish mad woman who always thinks she knows what’s best and the rest of the world’s incompetent. ”
She said, “You’ve no idea, do you? You never knew Alan. You were a child.
You have no idea what kind of man he was, and yet here you are taking his side over mine, your own flesh and blood. ”
I said, “What do you mean? My dad was me own flesh and blood, wasn’t he? Unless you’ve got something you want to tell me.
”
She said, “No, of course he was. But he’s dead and I’m alive. And I’m sorry if you don’t like that, but that’s just the way it is. ”
I asked why she said that.
She said because I was being horrible to her and got her all confused. I said, “Now look what you’ve done. You say I make things worse. Well, would wishing me dead make anything better?
”
She said, “You keeping your nose out would make things better. ”
I said, “All right. That’s what you want then, is it? Well, see how you like it.
You’re on your own, and don’t come running to me when you make an almighty mess of it. ”
I left. I went home. Todd was there.
He asked where I’d been. I said I’d popped into the pub to see George. He said, “George? ” I said I was sorry, I should have messaged.
He said, “Grab your little bag and go. I don’t want to go. I’m not stopping you. If you don’t want to come to Belfast, I’m sure George will welcome you with open arms.
”
I said, “I want to be with you. ” He said, “I’ll start to like you then. ”
I went to bed. He came up later.
He asked if I was still frightened about my mom. I said I knew she said stupid things, especially when she was angry, but she loved winding me up. He said, “You know her mouth goes twice as fast as her brain. And you did just tell us you wished she was dead.
”
I said, “Yeah, she was making a point, though. She insinuated my dad’s not my biological dad. ”
He said, “Well, from what you’ve said, she was just hitting back. Below the belt, granted, but I tell you this for free, that woman will be up there now sleeping like a baby while you’re down here tying yourself in knots.
”
I said, “I know, you’re right. ” He said, “Of course I’m right. I know your mom better than you do. Do you know what you need?
A nightcap. A brandy. ”
I said, “Yeah, go on then. ” He came closer.
I felt the warmth of him. And for a moment, I let myself believe that maybe we could be okay.
