I came home early because a colleague offered to cover my shift. I was tired, so I took it and headed back. When I walked through the door, I found my cousin and my girlfriend in my bed together. Both of them froze.
I told them to be gone by the time I got back and walked out. They were gone when I returned. She left a note saying she was sorry and to call when I’d calmed down. I didn’t call.
I texted her that I’d drop her things off at my cousin’s in a few days. I did exactly that. They both tried to apologize, but I had nothing to say to them. I handed over the bags and left.
My cousin called me over and over to make things right. I never accepted. Three years passed. I went no contact with both of them and never told the rest of my family what happened.
Then one day I got a call from an unknown number. It was my cousin. He sounded genuinely happy, like he hadn’t destroyed my life. He told me he was marrying my ex, and he wanted me to be his best man.
I lost it. I yelled at him, called him every name I could think of, and hung up. He texted me that the offer still stood, and if I didn’t want the role, he simply wouldn’t have a best man. A few days later, an idea hit me.
I texted him back and apologized. I wrote a long paragraph of nonsense about how I was still angry, but this could be a chance for all three of us to heal. He was overjoyed. He said he’d pay for everything and would help me pick out a suit.
I accepted, because I wasn’t spending a penny of my own money on his wedding if I could help it. The wedding day came. The week before, I’d written a speech, putting every bottled-up feeling from the last three years into words. The venue was beautiful.
The whole family was there, and a good chunk of my ex’s family too. When it was time for my speech, I was nervous. My voice shook, and I nearly tripped over my words. But I got through it.
I explained what these two people had done to me. I called them the worst names I could think of and wished them the worst. Then I left. I expected gasps, shock, some kind of dramatic moment.
There was none. Just silence. On my way home, my mother called, furious. She told me I’d ruined the wedding and they were both devastated.
She asked me why I’d done it. I told her they deserved it, and that everything I’d said was true. She kept defending them, so I swore at her and hung up. Since then, I’ve gotten angry calls and texts from people in both families.
And a few supportive messages from people who were there, telling me they were there if I needed to talk. One commenter guessed that my cousin might have been pressured by his mother into asking me to be best man, since they couldn’t explain to the family why we’d stopped talking. That made sense. My aunt’s side of the family, which isn’t blood related to me, has been the most supportive.
Most of the people reaching out to me came from her side. I don’t know if I feel better now. But when people told me the wedding was ruined, it brought me real catharsis. At least now they felt a fraction of what they made me feel.
—
Four months later. A lot has happened. I haven’t been on Reddit much, but I’ve read the supportive messages whenever the email notifications come through. It helps, knowing people still think about my story.
My mother tried to talk to me. She said she saw the post. I pushed her away for a few days before finally speaking to her. We agreed to disagree on whether what I’d done was right.
I won’t lie. About a month after the wedding, I was making plans to take my own life. I hadn’t told anyone. But my mother, my uncle, and my cousin came to me and said they’d pay for a private counselor, because the NHS mental health services are a mess.
I went to therapy. My counselor taught me a lot. I was diagnosed with PTSD from discovering the affair. He encouraged me to try casual dating to build confidence.
I signed up for a few dating sites, avoiding Tinder at his suggestion. I talked to a few people and even scheduled a date. She stood me up and ghosted me. That hurt.
But I’m doing better now. I don’t have suicidal thoughts nearly as often. When I feel terrible, I open Reddit and read the supportive messages. —
Another month later.
People are still asking for updates, which I still find baffling. Over seventy people have messaged me, and all but two were supportive. I haven’t responded to any yet. It’s overwhelming.
I might someday. Not much to update. I gave up on dating for a while. I went on two dates.
The first girl talked constantly about her ex and how terrible he was. I could relate, honestly, but it felt like she hadn’t moved on. After the date, she invited me inside to watch a movie. I lied, saying I had to feed my cat.
I don’t have a cat. I hope she finds someone who treats her well. The second girl only talked about reality TV shows. I faked an emergency to escape about five minutes in.
My counselor said if using dating sites feels like a chore, I should stop. So I did. People have asked how I’m holding up. I’m doing alright.
I still have dark thoughts sometimes, but I have no intention of acting on them. My counselor has helped me build confidence from non-existent to slightly above average. People ask if I’ve spoken to my ex since the wedding. Only when I visit my cousin’s house with my mom, which is infrequent.
My mom insists I visit because he’s paying for my therapy. I think she’s trying to repair things. But the moment I’m well enough to stop therapy, I plan to go no contact with all of them and move to a different city. One commenter raised a good point: how do I know the therapist is on my side, since my cousin is paying for it?
I chose him. I had a therapist before who basically implied I drove my ex into my cousin’s arms. I wasn’t having it. My current therapist criticized me for ruining the wedding, but he didn’t shame me, and he taught me real coping mechanisms.
I’m not going no contact yet, in case they stop paying. They probably will try to hold the therapy over my head. That’s fine. I’ll leave for another city and never see them again.
Another commenter asked what my cousin expects in terms of a relationship. I honestly have no clue. I plan to ask next time I see him. I worry he’ll stop paying for therapy if I go no contact.
He seems happy to see me, and so does my ex, but I can tell they’re still uncomfortable. I don’t care. I’ll never be friends with them. You could hold a gun to my head and give me the choice between pulling the trigger or being friends with them, and I’d choose the former.
If he feels bad about the pain he caused, I hope it eats him alive. —
Four years and two months later. It’s been a long time. I’m not in therapy anymore.
I spoke with my therapist about how my family, mainly my mother, was pressuring me to visit my cousin and ex. He said it would be best if I went no contact, even if it meant losing access to therapy, because being forced to see them might make my mental health worse and could cause CPTSD. I went no contact. The therapy payments stopped.
But I had saved enough money and canceled a few subscriptions to keep going for about ten more months. By then, I felt good enough that I didn’t need therapy anymore. My cousin ended up cheating on my ex. I honestly expected it to be the other way around.
But there’s poetic justice in it, I suppose. That happened about a year ago. When I heard the news, I didn’t feel anything. There was a time when that news would have made me overjoyed, watching her experience what she did to me.
But I think I’ve truly moved on. I just feel sorry for their kid. I said in my speech that I hoped their divorce was a messy one. From what I’ve heard from family and seen on social media, it most certainly was.
As for me, nothing too interesting. I moved to a different city. I got a decent job. It gets stressful sometimes, but the people there are great.
It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but I haven’t thought about harming myself in a long, long time. Thank you all for the support over the years. I wish you the best in whatever is going on in your lives. Reading back on my old post, I feel bad that I didn’t give that first girl a proper chance.
I was too judgmental. I think I saw myself in her, still hung up on someone toxic, and I didn’t like it. I’m hoping for some kind of lucky break, but I won’t hold my breath. I’ve survived this long.
I’ll make it through whatever comes next, boring or not.
