“Where is he? Where am I? ”
“You’re on my sofa. ”
I blinked, trying to piece together the night before.
Bernie was standing over me, a coffee in his hand, and I was sprawled across his furniture like I owned the place. “I found you slumped in the cab office with a bottle of whiskey,” he said. I sighed. “I haven’t got a home.
”
“What are you talking about? ”
I didn’t want to explain. My son Steve had stumped me. Tyrone had chucked me out.
And the man I thought I could trust had been undermining me ever since he showed up. Ross. He’d turned everyone against me. “Can I have another black coffee, please?
” I asked. Bernie raised an eyebrow. “You hungover? ”
“Fragile, shall we say?
I’m not drinking again. Yesterday really shook me up. ”
“But you’re all right now, though? ”
“I’m determined to look after these dodgy brain cells of mine.
”
He snorted. “Listen, I’ve got to go and see Ed. Will you be okay though? ”
“Yeah, of course I will.
No problem. ”
“Okay. ”
“Your paparoon. ”
“Love you too.
”
I waited until he was gone, then I made my way out. I had one thing left to do. I needed to find my daughter. I’d followed her on the bus, but now she was gone.
I wandered through the streets, confused, angry, desperate. A man stopped me. “You all right, Chuck? ”
“I’m looking for my daughter.
”
“What does she look like? ”
“She’s got brown hair. ”
“That’s not narrowing it down. ”
“What’s it to you anyway?
”
“Charming. ”
I didn’t have time for this. I needed to find Amy. But everywhere I turned, she wasn’t there.
And then I saw her. “Mom, it’s not right. ”
“Mom, who is me? ”
“Mom, how did you get here?
I left you at home. ”
“I followed my daughter on the bus, but she’s gone. ”
“Mom, it’s me. ”
“Who are you?
”
“Mom, it’s me. ”
“Get off me, cow. ”
“Mom, look. Get off.
No. I hate you. Get off me. I hate you.
”
“Leave me alone. Leave me alone. ”
I screamed. I scratched.
I didn’t know who this woman was, only that she was trying to hold me down, and I wanted to go home. “I want to go home. Please. Mom, take me home.
”
“Listen. I’m here. ”
“I want to go home. ”
“I’m not going to hurt you.
I’m going to take you home. Please. ”
“Come on, Mom. Can I come with you?
I’ll give you a hand. ”
“No. ”
“I need to go home. I need to go home.
Take me home. ”
It was no use. My mind was slipping. I couldn’t remember who I was, let alone who she was.
—
Meanwhile, the accusations were flying elsewhere. “You’ve got to believe me. I only put two tablets in,” Cassie pleaded. “You can’t stop lying, can you?
” Tracy shot back. “But there was more. Even when your back’s up against the wall. There was more in the packet.
”
“Whatever. It’s a load of rubbish. Two tablets, six tablets. It doesn’t matter.
”
“You tried to poison my dad! ”
“That’s ’cause he was trying to poison you against me! ”
Tracy shook her head. “I should never have let you into my life.
I should have listened to Nan. ”
“Don’t say that. ”
“But I was desperate, wasn’t I? Desperate to get to know my mom.
So I looked past all the drugs, all the crime, all the chaos. I gave you a home and let you into the kids’ lives. ”
“That was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love those kids.
I love you more than anything. ”
“Yeah, maybe you do. But it’s not enough because you’re twisted. You messed up.
Every time something happens, you say, ‘I’m going to change. ’ But you never do. ”
“What if I hand myself in? Then will you forgive me?
”
“You know what? Then do it. Do it. It’s not going to change anything.
”
“Please. Please. Just let me stay. Please.
I’ll make it up to you. ”
“I’m done. Hand yourself in. Go on the run.
Do whatever you want. I don’t care. You can say bye to the kids, and then you’re gone. ”
—
Debbie had watched the whole scene unfold.
She turned to Bernie, her voice shaking. “She was just hitting her. Poor Sienna. Poor Sienna’s mom.
”
“Well, I know she was confused, you know, but she was just really violent. ”
“Why didn’t she tell me that her mom has dementia? ”
“Well, maybe she’s too embarrassed to talk about it. ”
“No, she needs to be in a home.
You know, she’s in enough of a state to be wandering the streets. She’s a danger to herself and everyone else. ”
Bernie’s face fell. “Oh, Debbie, I’m sorry.
That was insensitive. ”
“Oh, no. No, you’re right. She does.
Sienna shouldn’t have to put up with that. No one should. Come in. ”
I followed her inside.
“I get it. ”
“I am in. Come here. ”
She hugged me.
“I invited him to come over. ”
“Well, if this isn’t okay, I can go,” Bernie said. “Oh, come here. ”
“Right.
Um, I’ll give you both some space. Cheers, mate. ”
“You’re going to be a good boy. ”
“Good as boring,” Bernie laughed.
“Why do you have to leave? ” Debbie asked. “’Cause I’ve got a job cleaning on a cruise ship, and it’s going to take me all around the world. ”
“No, I don’t buy this.
Why are you really leaving? ”
“Right. Your granny Cassie is moving on. Right.
So that’s that. ”
“Look, whatever you’ve done, I love you, Granny Cats. Please don’t go. ”
“Right.
Come on. Give her a hug. Otherwise, she’s going to miss a train. ”
“I love you.
”
“Yeah. And then we’ll take Dorian down the park. Hey, girls. Come on.
Should we go to the park? ”
“Yes. ”
“Yeah. Come on, man.
Let’s go. ”
—
Later, Cassie found Tracy alone. She handed her an envelope. “What’s this?
”
“I’m sorry. It’s not very much. ”
“Thank you. ”
“I don’t want to take your money.
”
“Please just take it. ”
“Thank you. ”
“Look, I can’t say this to Ty ’cause he won’t hear it. But you don’t trust Ross.
I’m telling you. He’s dangerous. You can’t trust him. ”
Tracy’s face hardened.
“I am so sick of you. Just go. ”
“She’s still your mom. ”
“Not anymore.
She’s not. ”
“Dad, are you okay? ”
“Yeah. Yeah.
Come on, come on. ”
—
Ryan found Tyrone the next day. “So, you’re just going to cut her out of your life then? ”
“She put Tracy in hospital.
And I know it’s Tracy, but it could have been Amy that drank that smoothie. I forgave her for what she did to Ken, even though everybody told me not to. I can’t forgive her twice. ”
“I know she’s a bit of a nightmare.
”
“A bit. ”
“But you’ve got a habit for going for nightmare women. But you love her, don’t you? ”
“I don’t know whether I do anymore.
”
“What? ”
“Cassie’s at the precinct. She wants to say goodbye. ”
“Oh, and how does that make you feel?
”
“Is Tim still here? ”
“Sally made me read an article about how to communicate better with your partner. ‘How does that make you feel? ’ comes up a lot.
”
“I’m not your partner. ”
“I know, but you’re my best mate, aren’t you? So, how does that make you feel? Cassie wanted to say goodbye.
”
“Well, it makes me feel sad. Very sad. ”
“Well, go and tell her that you want her to stay. ”
—
Cassie sat in the precinct, waiting.
She hadn’t wanted to hand herself in. She’d hoped Tyrone would come around, that he’d stop her, that he’d say he still loved her. Instead, he arrived with Ross. “You didn’t press charges.
Why? ”
“It’s not your fault. ”
“Except it is. I don’t want to hand myself in.
”
“Oh, but you’re like this because of me. I wanted you to do it. We agreed. ”
“Doesn’t matter if he consented.
You got hurt, and that’s illegal. ”
“I don’t want you to be arrested. It’ll just make everything worse. ”
“If I could go back.
Is it okay? ”
—
But the moment stretched on. Cassie looked up, and her blood ran cold. “What the hell is he doing in here?
” she hissed. Ross was standing in the doorway. “Get out of my house. Get out.
”
“Wait, wait. Lee, hang on. It’s my fault. It’s my fault I brought him in,” Ryan said.
“What? How dare you? ”
“They wanted to talk. ”
“Ryan, after what he did to her, he should be locked up.
”
“Betsy wanted to see him. ”
“I don’t care. ”
“Well, maybe you should care. ”
“Excuse me?
”
“I just think that if you just took the time to ask—”
“This is none of your business. ”
“Wait, well, I was just trying to help. ”
“Yeah, but it—”
Betsy burst into tears. “I’m sorry.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. ”
Ross reached for her. “I’m sorry, Betsy.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. ”
It was too much.
Cassie couldn’t watch this anymore. She stood up and walked out. —
Bernie found her on the street. “Cassie, Saron said you were skipping town.
Let me give you a lift to the station. ”
“Bog off. ”
“Tracy’s called the police. Come on.
They’re looking for you. Get in. Come on. What do you want?
To get arrested? Get in. Cassie! ”
She climbed into the car, defeated.
—
Debbie was at home, thinking about everything. Bernie came by. “What are you doing here? ” she asked.
“I was just checking you’re all right. ”
“Yeah. Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?
”
“We all know all that business with Sienna’s mom. It must have been unsettling for you. ”
“It was a bit, but I’m fine. ”
“Well, obviously the poor woman’s in a terrible place, but it don’t mean it’s going to be the same for you.
”
“I know that, Bernie. Please don’t worry. ”
Her phone buzzed. “So, Fred.
Fred. Hi, love. Did you get your flowers? Oh, I know.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be there. So, come on. How was your birthday? ”
Bernie watched her, a strange look on his face.
“What you doing? ”
“Assisted dying. ”
His face went pale. “What?
”
“I’m serious, Bernie. I’ve planned it all out. I know it was you who gave Tracy that smoothie and put the extra pills in. ”
Bernie’s jaw dropped.
“Anyone could have done it. ”
“You spiked your own girlfriend to get rid of me. ”
“And it was worth it. ”
“So you admit it.
”
“Maybe I should go to the police. ”
“And why would they believe you? Eh? You’ve lied.
You’re a fraud. Not to mention being a scallywag and a prostitute. ”
“They’d believe me if I told them who you really are. ”
“An upstanding soldier who served queen and country.
”
“A filthy squatter who slept with me when I was a kid. ”
“You were offering. ”
“You knew I was underage. And we both got what we wanted.
”
“Wonder what the police would say if I told them you preyed on fifteen-year-old girls. Maybe they’d come for you. ”
“Enough. ”
“Let me out.
I’ll walk to the station. ”
“We are going for a little drive. ”
—
Asha was with Sienna, trying to help. “How long has she been like this?
”
“She’s had dementia a while, but the violence is new. ”
“Look, is anyone helping you, Sienna? You can’t deal with this on your own. ”
“I’m not putting her in a home.
”
“Look, she needs proper care. ”
“I’m not ready, Asha. She brought me and my brother up all by herself, and she was the most amazing mom. I can’t put her in a home.
I can’t. ”
“Okay. Okay. Well, then maybe we can look into getting some support for her, at home.
I’d like to help if you’ll let me. Look, I know I’ve been an idiot, okay? But I really care about you. ”
“You know the worst thing?
Sometimes I hate her. This woman that I loved most in the world. She’s not my mom. She’s this horrible person that I don’t even know.
Of course, she is my mom. And I just feel terrible for thinking that. ”
—
Debbie was still sitting in her kitchen when Ronnie came in. “I can’t put Ronnie through it,” she said.
“Look, I know what you saw today was triggering,” Ronnie said softly. “That poor lass being attacked by her own mom. ”
“Yeah, but it don’t mean you’ll end up like that. ”
“What if I get to the point where I don’t know who he is, who I am?
I don’t want to be like that. ”
“Paul wanted to end his life too when the MND took everything. ”
“I didn’t know. ”
“I kept it from me at first.
Stashed a packet of pills away. I was devastated when I found out. But in the end, he decided he didn’t want to. He wanted to rinse every last drop out of life’s dishcloth.
So he hung on until his body finally let go. ”
“Oh, Bernie, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. But I think it’s different for me, though. Even when your Paul was struggling to move or communicate, it was still your Paul inside.
Yeah. I won’t be me anymore. I won’t be Debbie. She’ll already be dead.
I would rather go while I can still do my makeup, stick a false eyelash on, earrings in, you know, while I’m still me. ”
“You need to talk to Ronnie. ”
“He’ll try and talk me out of it. ”
“You can’t do this behind his back.
”
“When the time’s right, I will speak to him. But can we keep this between ourselves for now, please? ”
—
Tracy was at home with Ross. “So, I’ve decided not to call the police,” she said.
“Oh, good. ”
“Why? ”
“Because Ross persuaded me not to, even after what Cassie did. He’s a really kind man.
”
“Yeah, I suppose that is pretty kind. ”
The door opened. “Sorry, door was on the latch. ”
“What are you doing here?
You should be resting. You all right? ”
“Tracy was just telling us you didn’t want her to call the police,” Ross said. “Yeah.
I felt Cassie had been punished enough. Where is she, by the way? ”
“She’s gone. ”
“She’s gone?
”
“Left Weatherfield. ”
“Come on. I’m sorry. ”
“I’m not.
She made her own bed. ”
“All right. Hey, I’m glad I’m sticking around, and I know how much she helped out with the kids and stuff. So I’m more than happy to step in.
”
“Might take you up on that. Cheers. ”
Tracy stood up. “Right.
Come on. Let’s get you to bed. ”
“You can tuck me in if you like. ”
“Strawberry.
”
“Yeah. Go on then. ”
